Once upon a time, on the freeways of Los Angeles (gripey woman talking on phone – Scrubbie Lady) Marty, Marty listen to me, bring me that cereal the kids cry for Oh, and I’m out of bikini wax… Meet Marty, - lookin’ like the average guy Five-foot-eight, he’s balding and white. SUV Marty, one-hour commute Uses his cell phone to help see him through Nagged by his girl, he’ll go shopping after work Cell phone on the freeway, what a friggin’ jerk And Marty’s got friends and tries to call ‘em all He’ll hit the redial button if he drops their call You’re lucky you don’t hit every single last thing He starts to scream obscene if his friend’s phone won’t ring About trends, what’s new and what he’s gonna do Yaks his friends ears off, till he’s called by his boo His woman rings him up and yells: Buy more Kool-Aid! “What? Buy Drool-Aid?” Moron, I said Kool-Aid! We’re down to one packet And the kids are gonna know I think they like cherry – go get me more of those! He hits the Internet on his cell phone Surfing store sites as he’s driving like a drone “The kids’ll like this – who cares if it’s grape” Marty, put the phone down and just concentrate Honey, I got a zit! Drive, all right! That phone that’s in your hands It won’t let you – Drive, all right! Get that phone out your hands Just shut up and – Concentrate – Marty just canna’ do it But give him the phone, and he gets right to it Marty cuts off a girl in Simple Plan shirt But she sees him on his cell and then flips him the bird Marty doesn’t care – he ain’t paying attention He’s on his cell phone - in another dimension Driving like a maniac, talking pure BS Till he sees a stopped semi – no time the brakes to press! So time slows down, Marty starts to scream Ambulance gets on the scene They use the jaws of life to get him out of his car “He’s still alive and breathing?”” Know how lucky you are?” The CHP investigates and makes their decision He was doing 85 at the time of collision They put him on the stretcher – in pain he yells They say, “You’ve got nice pitch – I bet you sing well” They bandage him up, oxygen on his face Saline solution drip and neck brace They strap him down in the ambulance, Yelled at the driver and away they went: Drive, all right! His life is in our hands We can’t let him- Die tonight! That phone that’s in his hands Almost made him DIE!!!! Hospital bills and a court summons His license is revoked – the State gets a win Marty finds a bus that goes by his job And has to sit next to Jake – a big annoying slob You laugh at his fate, though you’re guilty, too On the phone on the freeway – you know it’s true Get off it now, or you’ll share his doom - Marty spends Friday night in his living room Marty spends Friday night in his living room Marty spends Friday night in his living room May I please have my keys back, Mr. Judge? Not a freaking chance, now you get this dis: Drive, tonight Your keys are in my hands I won’t let you Drive tonight Your car is in my hands! I won’t let you Drive! Drive tonight The phone that's in your hands Cost your right to - Drive tonight Next time you're on the road, Just shut up and Drive!!!!!!