Identity Creators, Inc.
Thank you for viewing our Buy-A-Kid product!
Do you envy your friends or co-workers who have kids? Do you find yourself coveting all the breaks they seem to get while poor, little childless you has to cover for them. Have you ever wanted to get in on some of those leniencies, like:
- Pay less taxes?
- Get additional time off work and get paid for it?
... and do it all without having to actually have a kid? Well, we can help! Stop trying to get their benefits cut and get in on the game! Just call our toll free number and one of our courteous representatives will help you find out how you can have your own "paper" kid.
Our "Paper" kids exist solely on paper. No diapers to change, babies to feed, teachers to meet, or toys to fall on in the middle of the night! With our patented technology - and a few very bright hackers - we can actually create an identity! Purchase one of our plans and you'll get real:
- Adoption papers,
- Birth Certificate,
- Social Security Number, and
- Set of 40 photographs aging from months 0 - 23, and years 2 - 18, when they can move to college in some far-away country!
You will then have the material to enter into your taxes for more breaks, as well as pictures to put up in your cubicle, or office to show your boss! The photographs are pulled from a stock of thousands, however, the chance always exists that your co-worker might get the same photo as you. Eliminate that potentially embarrassing situation by upgrading to our Buy-A-Kid Platinum! Using the latest computer software, we can take a picture of you and your spouse and make a model of what a child may look like if you really had one:
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If you are ugly, there will be a not-so-small fee if you want a cute child. Platinum also profiles the both of you - or just you, if you're single - and creates the following for you:
- Funny looking crayon drawings to put on your fridge at home and on you cubicle wall! *Results based on your own creativity level.
- Quarterly progress reports from Pre-School, Elementary School, Middle and High School, as well as graduation photos from 6th, 8th & 12th grade! Also, random awards for excellence in Science, Math, English, etc. *Results based on your own education level. WARNING: If very low, disciplinary slips may also be issued. This is a glitch in the system and we are working to fix it.
So click here and get your Buy-A-Kid today!
Also look for our other products:
- Buy-A-Wife: For additional tax cuts and social status. Beauty depends on your pocketbook!
- Buy-An-Expendible-Grandmother: For additional time off of work. Don't we all wish we could have at least one reason per year to take a few more days off without having to bury someone we love?
All material by Identity Creators, Inc. 2004-2004